The GAT: Gay Aptitude Test

by Jason Alan

Guys, this one is for you. It was a bit done on Adam Carolla’s radio show back in 2006 and I decided to make a post of it. Now don’t get all defensive it is not intended to offend the gays, it’s just for shits and giggles. So grab a pen and paper or a calculator or add it up any way you like and let’s see… How gay are you?

Add 1 point for every diet soda you drink per day. Sugar free energy drinks count.

Add 2 points for every mock turtleneck you own.

Add 1 point for every yogurt in your fridge of an exotic nature. Not the regular strawberry or banana. Flavors like pina colada, key lime pie, etc.

Add 2 points for every drink you’ve made in a blender this month. Alcohol related. Protein shakes don’t count.

If you have a squeegee in your bathroom, add 5 points.

Add 3 for each potted plant you have.

Deduct 2 for each Venus Fly Trap.

Deduct 3 for each weed plant.

Add 10 points if you’ve ever seen anything as an adult, in person “on ice”, that isn’t hockey.

Add 3 points for every piece of soap in a non-bar form.

Add 1 point for every pair of shoes over the count of 8.

Add 5 points for anything you’ve had framed in the past year.

If you’ve ever wrapped a gift in anything other than newspaper or tinfoil, add 5 points.

Deduct 5 points if you’ve ever named your penis. If you named it Seth, add five points.

If you’ve named another man’s penis, add 25 points.

Add 8 points for custom stationery.

Add 30 points if you own leather pants.

Add 50 points if you are a man and you’ve performed oral on another man.

Minus 100 points if you’ve worked construction

Alright so add or subtract your points as necessary and see what you got:

below 20: Definitely straight.

20-35: You’re bi. Equivalent to ‘experimented in college’.

35-40: You’re gay but a prison top. Butch.

40-50: Gay bottom, but not always.

50+: Supergay, always a bottom.

To be fair I’ve done it myself. I got negative 102. Without the construction part I would have gotten negative 2. So I’m definitely straight. Thanks for playing guys, now I have to go. My boyfriend and I are going to pick out drapes. I’m tho exthited! HAAAY!