Where’s My Flying Car?

by Jason Alan

In case you just climbed out from under a rock or stepped out of a cave, it’s the year 2012. But even if this is the case, I shouldn’t even have to tell you that. You’re on some type of internet enabled computing device if you’re reading this. They all have the time and date somewhere on them.

Computers are now cheap enough that damn near everybody living in a country with running water can afford one. And I know from experience that if you do enough dumpster diving, at least in America, you can build a PC for free. I know this because I’ve done it several times. We have several $200 tablets, voice recognition, games you can play by just moving your hands and body around, laptops that you unlock with your fingerprint, etc.

But where are the flying cars? Well, take a look around at all the idiots on the road when you’re driving. Do you really want all of them in the air? Do you really want that Ford F-350 with the fake ballsack hanging from the trailer hitch to come crashing down in your front yard? I didn’t think so. Same thing with the jetpacks, only on a smaller scale. And real ballsacks.

So where are the things that we actually can have? Where is the refrigerator with a touch screen on the front? A few taps and you’ve added things to the grocery list that syncs with your phone. It could even tell you when you’re low on eggs when you’re not at home to see what’s in there.

If everybody is so green these days, where are all the solar panels? The technology is here, folks, and it’s cost effective. If you have a couple hundred bucks you can at least get a starter. Put it up at the top of a window where you never look out and charge your cell phones and iPad or whatever. It won’t save you a lot of money but it will keep you thinking about other ways to conserve electricity. Do you have a gap under your front or back door? If so, you’re literally throwing money out of it.

Speaking of things we don’t need, (like falling ballsacks) I for one do NOT need all these computer messages telling me shit I already know. Wow! No shit! I went full screen? Thanks for telling me, I never would have fucking known.

At the very least I should be able to turn them off. It’s annoying as hell and completely unnecessary. And wordpress, what’s up with this shit? I put black & white as the title and I get this shit. What’s the point of seeing html code in titles when we’re scrolling through posts? Step into the 21st century already.

Another thing I would like is a car that doesn’t have that little black hole space next to the seat. You drop something next to the seat you better have dainty hands to reach down there. You practically have to take the whole seat out just to get something. What’s up with that shit?

Anyway, what do you think we should have by now, or what do you not want? After all, it’s the future now!