Why? Fuck You, That’s Why.

by Jason Alan

One of the dumbest questions ever. Why? For the blatantly obvious shit, it’s annoying. If somebody said they felt like going to the kitchen, getting a butcher knife and planting it squarely in my forehead, I would of course ask why. Maybe I could talk them out of it, or distract them long enough to get my gun. Oh, who am I kidding? I would most likely point another direction, yell ‘hey look it’s Gary Coleman!’ and run like a bitch.

But when I say I’m going to the grocery store and they ask why, I really feel like telling them I’m getting a new butcher knife because the old one isn’t sharp enough to get through that thick fucking skull of theirs. Seriously, you dumbass, I’ve had a twelve pack of beer and I’m out. Obviously I’m driving to get more and to avoid your idiotic queries for a while.

There is a thing good about it, though. That stupid, three letter question gives you a nice indication of the mental capacity of this person. If your girlfriend asks you why you are putting a jacket on, you know. You are aware that you shouldn’t ask her to help you with your physics homework, but you also know she’s great in bed. Dumb women and crazy bitches are wild in the sack.

That being said, be careful. They may rock your socks and knock your boots off, but the dumber they are, the more likely they are to get pregnant. It’s best to strap on three condoms and drop a morning after pill along with the roofie in her drink.

So if you wish to at least maintain the illusion that you are not semi-retarded, then think about your question of why before it comes spilling out of your stupid face. Here’s a simple way to do it. If the question can be answered by putting ‘because’ in front of the statement preceding it, don’t ask. For example, I want Chinese food for dinner tonight. Why? Because I want Chinese food for dinner tonight.

If you’re one of these people that do this annoying bullshit and don’t take this post as an opportunity to learn something, then take a good, long hard look in the mirror. And slam your forehead into it. Repeatedly. Why? Because you’re a dumb fuck.