Jason Alan. Writer, Character.

Short stories, rants, poetry, novels under construction… and look, cows!

Why? Fuck You, That’s Why.

One of the dumbest questions ever. Why? For the blatantly obvious shit, it’s annoying. If somebody said they felt like going to the kitchen, getting a butcher knife and planting it squarely in my forehead, I would of course ask why. Maybe I could talk them out of it, or distract them long enough to get my gun. Oh, who am I kidding? I would most likely point another direction, yell ‘hey look it’s Gary Coleman!’ and run like a bitch.

But when I say I’m going to the grocery store and they ask why, I really feel like telling them I’m getting a new butcher knife because the old one isn’t sharp enough to get through that thick fucking skull of theirs. Seriously, you dumbass, I’ve had a twelve pack of beer and I’m out. Obviously I’m driving to get more and to avoid your idiotic queries for a while.

There is a thing good about it, though. That stupid, three letter question gives you a nice indication of the mental capacity of this person. If your girlfriend asks you why you are putting a jacket on, you know. You are aware that you shouldn’t ask her to help you with your physics homework, but you also know she’s great in bed. Dumb women and crazy bitches are wild in the sack.

That being said, be careful. They may rock your socks and knock your boots off, but the dumber they are, the more likely they are to get pregnant. It’s best to strap on three condoms and drop a morning after pill along with the roofie in her drink.

So if you wish to at least maintain the illusion that you are not semi-retarded, then think about your question of why before it comes spilling out of your stupid face. Here’s a simple way to do it. If the question can be answered by putting ‘because’ in front of the statement preceding it, don’t ask. For example, I want Chinese food for dinner tonight. Why? Because I want Chinese food for dinner tonight.

If you’re one of these people that do this annoying bullshit and don’t take this post as an opportunity to learn something, then take a good, long hard look in the mirror. And slam your forehead into it. Repeatedly. Why? Because you’re a dumb fuck.

yes. for @zuzugirls

notice me
yes.
see me
yes.
come closer
yes.
smile
yes.
closer still
yes.
say hello
yes.
am i nervous
yes.
sit down
yes.
talk to me
yes.
are you nervous
yes.
laugh
yes.
smile again
yes.
your hand
yes.
my hand
yes.
together
yes.
that moment
yes.
kiss me
yes.
trembling
yes.
longing
yes.
what is this
yes.
just
yes.
only
yes.
meet me tomorrow
yes.
in the morning
yes.
coffee
yes.
conversation
yes.
laughing
yes.
more
yes.
more you
yes.
more us
yes.
walking
yes.
together
yes.
afternoon
yes.
us
yes.
evening
yes.
please
yes.
thank you
yes.
night
yes.
tomorrow
yes.
the next day
yes.
will you touch me
yes.
will you hold me
yes.
will you be with me
yes.
will you marry me
no
will you be with me
yes.
always
yes.
will you love me
yes.
forever
yes.
yes.
yes.

The Wild West and a Free Kindle Ebook

I have recently been writing a novel set in the old west, but my knowledge of it is limited. Even though I grew up in the south, it was never really something I was interested in. If it is something that you are familiar with, I would appreciate some feedback. What movies should I watch, including dramas, comedies, and documentaries? The same with books. Fiction and history books that I should check out to familiarize myself with that time period. Any comments would be appreciated.

Speaking of books, my most recent ebook is free today and tomorrow. You are welcome to go get it and share the link anywhere and everywhere. I could always use reviews, on the new one as well as the three that I have self-published before. The new book, as stated in the description, is the best (in my humble opinion) of my completed short stories, opinion pieces, rants, raves and whatever other detritus that has floated through my brain and spilled onto the keyboard.

Perspective and Other Detritus

perspective

Perspective and Other Detritus

Screenshot - 01

That’s a good thing, right? Right. However, I had to ‘claim’ the book in order for it to show up on my author page. That could take up to five days to happen. So until then, my new book looks like it is from a new author. Since 2011, I have self-published three others and while I don’t have a big audience, there are some people who have read my work. It helps people to see some reviews (which are all good, so far) and a little history, doesn’t it? I think it’s important and since I used the same account and the same name, it should just do this automatically.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t. So for those who are not familiar with my books or need a reminder, I’ll give you the link to my amazon author page and then the one for my new one, Perspective and Other Detritus.

Thank you for your support. And come on, amazon, get your shit together.

One more day for #free #kindle #ebooks

All three of my amazon ebooks are free for one more day. Go check them out.

Jason Alan

Free Kindle Ebooks

I’m giving away all three of my Kindle ebooks today. Enjoy and share!

Jason Alan

visceral, for @zuzugirls

you are the sunshine, a gentle caress
the petals of a lily, surging sweet life into its breast
as we undress

the moon that grips it, slips it
deftly, ever so softly toward the expanse of space
to kiss an ellipsis upon your face

the kind that sparks fire in the mind
of a distant other, the desire to find
fingers sliding up the skirt of a lover

you murder the melancholy, the folly
that resides inside the hearts of men
it starts again
with a whisper of your voice in the din

you are the mystical whisp, a kiss so visceral
dismissing the miserable
with a flick of the wrist,
both literal and physical

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